Malena
by The Black Crow
Summary: When honor is at stake, a man has to do what a man has to do... or is it what a woman has to do? A shot with humor, a bet, a dash of infatuation and far too many gallons of hot wax. Oh, and a half naked Edward too.


****EDITED on 14-Dic-09 (still unbetaed though)****

**A/N: Ok, hello ladies! (and the ocational gentelman... we KNOW you guys read this stuff too!)**

**This seems to be a day of beginnings for me, because this is not only my first Twilight fic, but it is also my first (serious) ENGLISH fic. So yeah, I'm pretty excited... and nervous... but mostly excited *smiles***

**I don't really have much to say here: This story is unbetaed (for which I'm sorry in advance, just in case), it has SOME vocabulary here and there that is deffinitely not formal (but I don't think it will bother anyone, considering it is a T rating).**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing besides Malena. The characters belong to SM, lucky her.**

* * *

**Malena**

His feet felt like lead dragging across the surface of the streets, heavy and persistent in their intent of stopping all kinds of motion. The sun, a glaring orb of intensity and light, blinded his eyes and for a moment there Edward was sure the immense star was trying to deter him from his journey as well.

But stopping wasn't an option anymore.

The closer he got to his intended destination, the heavier his chest became. His lungs couldn't take enough air to sustain him; his heart was pounding so hard it was an amazement he could hear anything beyond the constant beat. His skin was moist with sweat, cold, making him feel sick and dizzy.

Edward could already see the dreaded place at the end of the block.

One step after the other he persisted, and deep in the recesses of his mind, he thanked whichever God was listening that not a single soul besides his own seemed to be in this particular street at this hour of the day. With any luck the process wouldn't take too long and he would be free to go on his way before midday. However, if Edward was being honest with himself, luck hadn't exactly been on his side for a while.

His feet came to an abrupt stop on the sidewalk. Edward didn't need to look up to know where he was. He had passed this very same place time and again for the past week in a desperate belief that it would disappear if he insisted hard enough. It didn't work.

Moving damp, copper colored hair away from his sweaty forehead, Edward locked his desperate eyes on the place that was sure to become his downfall. The glaring sunlight reflecting on the glass outside the shop generated a sharp pain in his eyes that resonated inside his head. He decided it was a forewarning of what was to come.

The bright pink letters on the entryway were a cruel mocking of his suffering:

"Beauty House Malena"

Hair Saloon

Make Up

Mani & Pedi

Wax Parlor

A _wax-freaking-parlor_.

Gods, how he hated his life sometimes. Well, maybe not exactly his life, but definitely the people that were part of it. Yes, that was more like it. Especially those two good for nothing wannabe comedians that called themselves his best friends.

Seriously, Edward needed to find some new peers. ASAP.

He wasn't even supposed to lose the stupid bet. It had been an easy task. Lame even. An easy win just for the laughs. Like leading on Mallory, pretending to want to get into her pants: no fight, no struggle, no effort. All just for the next day's laughs.

So of course he had accepted the dare. Of course he had gone to the track course to break the thirteen seconds mark. Easy task, no effort at all: he was _Edward Cullen_, star of the track team; no one could match his peace, not in his college nor in any other college around. But then some girl decided that the best way to get his attention was throwing a pair of panties at his running self with her address written on a side. It's not necessary to say that he lost his footing, as well as the bet, when the garment smacked him right on the face. It's not necessary to mention either what he did to the aforementioned girl's apartment the following day.

And here he was now, a nervous wreck in front of Beauty House-of-Horrors Malena. Ready to get a full body wax. Brazilian included. Emmett and Jasper were dead men.

Taking a deep breath to steel his resolve (or at least fool himself he was doing so), he pushed open the door to the hell that was sure to reduce his manhood a big percentage.

The first thing that hit him was the chilled air, no doubt the result of a pretty good AC system. And as the goose bumps started to spread across the uncovered skin of his arms, Edward received a second hit: everything was bright _pink_ ("_fuchsia_" corrected the voice inside his head that creepily enough sounded like his sister Alice). Damn, he could already feel his balls crawling inside his body.

He couldn't stay here. His honor be damned, he had to get out of this place, now!

Before he could even begin to move his foot in the direction of salvation, a perky bubble of strawberry blond hair, overly stretched smiles and too much make up on stopped him with a well manicured hand (too long _fuchsia_ fingernails) on his arm. Edward was sure he would have a chain of bruises where this hell spawn was grabbing him. Yes, hell spawn. She had a (very pink) _Malena_ scrawled on her very white shirt.

"Hello, and welcome to _Malena_. Do you have an appointment?" The hell spawn was speaking to him. He seriously considered lying to her, say no and run like the devil was on his tail (which was actually true in his case, mind you). But the voice of reason (his pride) had other ideas.

"Yes, Jasper Emmett Whitcarty McLock" If he was going to hell, he wasn't doing so with his real name… and without taking those two idiots with him.

The woman simply nodded, smile still wide on her face, and ticked something on the writing pad in her hands.

"Please follow me, Bella is ready to attend you." A flash of white teeth, a whirl of blond hair and the woman was already walking towards a narrow hallway near the back of the big –fuchsia- room.

Edward followed her, his steps not half as light and bubbly as the woman leading the way. She had said something about a _Bella_ ready to attend him. Attend him. Like a doctor's appointment. With his luck, it was probably an over six foot tall ursa of a woman with biceps the size of his chest named Beveruzlla Portknakova, nicknamed _Bella_ by her lovely coworkers.

It took Edward more than he was willing to admit to hold in the tears that wanted to escape his eyes. And stop his hand from grabbing his cell phone and calling his mom. And simply fall to his knees and beg for mercy.

Inside the hallway there were many small cubicles, all side by side, on both sides of the corridor. No doors. Just billowy purple curtains that promised sneak peeks with the most minimal breeze. Goody.

Some curtains were closed, and Edward pretended not to hear the pained hisses and whimpers behind them. He wouldn't be able to hold himself together if he accepted his fate before actually being inside the –what was the circle of hell with the hot pitch? The eighth? Yeah, the eighth-.

They came to a stop close to the end of the corridor, and hell spawn directed him inside a cubicle to the right.

"Please strip down to your underwear and lie down on the table; head to the far wall" she said, pointing to the black leather examination table and the small pillow on the side.

Edward just nodded and watched her leave the constricted space, moving the curtain to cover the entrance as she walked away. This was it. No way out.

Steeling what little was left of his nerves, he removed all his clothes but the thin black cotton boxer-briefs that covered his by now shrunk genitalia. He was afraid to even look and find his cock turned into a vagina, so he went out of his way to avoid all kinds of brushes with his lower half. Stalling as much as possible, Edward folded his shirt and jeans and accommodated them together with his socks and shoes in a neat pile on a shelf under the table. Taking another cleansing breath (that was actually a resigned sigh) he lowered his body face up on the uncomfortably narrow table, and waited.

And waited some more.

Then he started fidgeting.

If he had any doubts whether he was in hell or not (which he didn't have, he was very sure of his current location), they were all cleared right then and there. He was _very_ uncomfortable. The table was so narrow his right shoulder was hanging in the air (and his left was plastered to the _pink_ wall); the leather kept sticking to his uncovered skin in the most unmerciful of ways; the lights above him were too bright, and the lamp shinning down on his face was overly hot, which made him sweat, which made the leather even _more_ sticky.

And he could already smell the sickeningly sweet honey smell of the wax.

Would it be too badly seen to the eyes of the public if he escaped this hell, running like mad, boxer clad as he was, to the freedom of the busy midday streets outside?

Yes? Oh well…

A door closed not so far away from his cubicle, and steps could be clearly heard coming closer and closer. The nauseating odor of the wax became thicker, heavier, oppressing his chest and making breathing a difficult task.

The waxer was coming. And not just any waxer, but _Bella_ the ursa woman.

Bella the Waxer.

Even her title sounded terrifying. Like a mafia hitman, or a gang boss.

Edward tried to distract himself reading the little pamphlets on the wall, but it was useless. As soon as he sensed the curtain being opened his eyes zeroed on the explanation of the wonders of using hard wax as opposed to the usual method of the cloth or paper strip. He refused to look in the eye at the devil that was sure to rob him of what was left of his masculinity. His man bits went just a little farther up his body.

"Ready to get smooth Mr. McLock?" the sweetest voice in the universe said not two feet to his right.

Edward turned his head in the direction of the little piece of heaven that was being given to him, and came face to face with what he was sure was the most exquisite creature ever created. A soft mane of brown locks was pinned high on her head, a couple bangs falling loose and framing her lovely face. A set of dark brown eyes so big and expressive that took his breath away; and features so delicate and soft that it was physically painful not to extend his hand and caress her face. And her body, a promise of wonder under the snug white shirt and pants… with the pink mark of the devil scrawled on the side. The black embroidery over her left breast marked her as _Bella_.

This creature of beauty was going to wax him smooth. Her hands all over his body. And he was already practically naked and at her mercy. His balls didn't feel so nonexistent anymore.

Remembering that he still needed to answer her question, he mumbled something that resembled an affirmation (coupled with repetitive nods, of course). He would endure the pain if it meant having her groping him everywhere. And with the Brazilian, it would definitely be _everywhere_. Funny how he didn't feel like hating Emmett and Jasper so much right now.

Bella just smiled softly and him and started moving a spatula like _thing_ (he was already detesting the _thing_) inside the container where he supposed the wax was. God, but that thing smelled awful.

"So, full body with a Brazilian?" the sweet girl asked him, an inquisitive eyebrow going up with her inquiry. If he wasn't so love struck he would have believed she was mocking him.

"That's right." He tried. He really, really tried, but in the end he couldn't keep the tremor away from his voice. He was terrified, even if it was this beautiful girl who was going to perform the cruel deed.

"Lost a bet, hon?" Her back was turned to him, but he didn't need to look at her to know she was smiling.

"How did you know?"

"Your fear and the fake name."

She turned around, a mirthful smile on her pretty face and a rolling table with the pain filled container on her hand. Once she started rubbing his body with a soft layer of some kind of powder –was it talcum?- he knew what was coming. It was about to begin. He just hoped she didn't notice his shudder or his paling face.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll come out alive." She just winked and then proceeded spread the thick (and damn it, hot!) yellow substance across the upper side of his leg; from ankle to the upper end of his thigh. Then the other leg. Then she applied the ugly as hot pitch monstrosity in squares across his feet, toes included. Edward couldn't decide whether she didn't notice the flinches and hisses every time she added more of the molasses or if she was just ignoring them.

Without missing a beat, Bella went to his chest (not in a good way either). Extending several stripes of the hot wax across his chest –and religiously ignoring his whimpers and complaints about the temperature- she quickly got a hold of his arms pulling them up and telling him to hold them up in the air. Several long stripes of wax on his arms later, the things got ugly.

She put it on his armpits. That thing _burns._ But Edward took it like the man he was –a whimper and a tremble and that was it-. But at least now he was breathing a little lighter. It just _couldn't_ get worse than this.

"So hon, will you tell me your real name?" Bella asked from somewhere close to Edward's legs. She was patting the hardening wax, making sure it was ready for the pulling.

"I'm Edward. Edward Cullen."

"Well Edward, my name is Bella. And you will probably remember my name for a long while after this is all over. Most surely you'll curse it as well." She said as she carefully unpeeled the end of the stripe on his right leg at his ankle.

For a moment there Edward didn't understand what she meant. Of course he would remember her name, but never curse it. Sing it praises, sure; but never curse it. And then she pulled on the stripe, peeling it from bottom to top. For a second he didn't feel anything, but once his nerve endings recuperated from the shock, he finally understood what Bella meant.

He won't deny it. He screamed. Loudly.

Bella just kept on smiling and slapping his leg, saying something about the immediate pain of the slap would reduce the pain of the hair pulling. He just ignored her and wallowed in his personal hell.

And then she went for the other leg. This time he didn't scream, but he couldn't move his arms to whip the lone tear that escaped his eye. God, this shit hurt.

"You're doing great handsome." Edward couldn't believe she was actually cheering at him while turning his legs sideways and applying another long stripe of wax on the sides of his tormented limbs.

But she was. And as soon as she finished there she started to peel all the other stripes, one by one, slapping his reddened skin afterwards. He sobbed a little into his shoulder when she peeled the ones from his armpits. At least Bella was smart enough not to say anything then and just gave him some cool towels to put under his arms.

Edward was just about to turn around to let her finish the rest of his body when a soft hand halted his movements.

"What are you doing handsome? We still need to do a second swipe of all the front."

He might have fainted for a second after she said that.

"A second swipe..?" Edward will not even bother to lie about the broken tone in his voice when he asked that.

Bella smiled reassuringly, quickly telling him that the second swipe didn't hurt as much. Of course it didn't, with all those nerve endings dead from the previous pain. But she was right, it didn't hurt… just burned like a bitch, but it's not like it would have made a difference to her. Could she really be this heartless?

This time when he turned on his stomach there were no protests from the waxer (yes, he was going to call her that as long as she held the evil waxing spatula in her hand). Softly rubbing the cotton with the powder on his back, Edward readied himself to feel the pain again. And felt it he did. On both swipes. My God, it hurt.

After slapping the backs of his legs, his lower back and part of his arms –twice- Bella told him to turn again. It was time for the Brazilian. Oh shit.

"So… you want the full Brazilian? Or do I assume you want your balls untouched?"

After the shock –and minimal turn on- of hearing Bella talk about his balls, Edward gave the question some serious thought. Emmett and Jasper, the bastards (yes, they were bastards again), would most likely lower his pants as soon as he entered the dorms to make sure ha had the Brazilian done. But he _really_ didn't want the hot wax anywhere near his testicles.

"Let's leave them alone for now…" He didn't want to completely rule Bella away from his balls after all.

She just smiled and softly nodded her head. Then she grabbed his boxers and lowered them until the base of his cock was visible. Well, wasn't she a blunt little girl. Edward could only give a silent prayer that the pain would be enough to convince his libido it was _not_ a good time to get hard.

Bella made a soft sound and an adorable frown appeared on her face. She kneeled down on the floor and retrieved a small box from underneath the table, rummaging through it until she came up with a shiny pair of scissors in her hands. Then she went back to scrutinize his crotch.

"The hairs here are too long. I'll trim them a little so it's not too painful for you afterwards."

Edward could only nod and gulp (and beg that she was fast so as to not give time to his body to react to her nearness). Some snips and a brush with the powdered cotton ball later, he was declared ready to be waxed. He didn't feel ready at all. But voicing his fears to the beautiful waxer proved to be useless.

"The sooner we start, the sooner it'll be over." She even said it with a childish singsong voice. Evil woman.

Bella scooped some wax with her spatula, careful not to drop a single thread of the cruel concoction. Then, carefully, spread it across his pubic bone. It was hot. Not as hot as when it was applied to his armpits, but still mildly uncomfortable. She made sure to cover every single section of haired skin, and as she started fanning the wax to harden it sooner Edward found himself immersed in his thoughts. He was in a definitely complicated crossroads: how the hell was he going to ask Bella for her number? He wasn't sure there would be enough of the confident man he once was after she was done to ensure she would go out with him in the near future.

"Take a deep breath Edward."

"Uh?"

The poor tortured man didn't have enough time to react beyond a deep inhalation when the world exploded on his crotch. He was definitely sure his genitals were now nonexistent. And then he swore that if, by any chance, he could ever be with a woman again, he would never comment about her trimming. Ever. Unless it was to call her insane. Oh my god, those poor bare women!

Bella just kept smiling and pressing her soft, cool hand against his sore skin. He couldn't even find pleasure in that. What was wrong with him? What was wrong with the world that lead poor innocent women into believing waxing was good? It's an act akin to medieval torture. He could feel the tears on his eyelashes, but he wasn't ashamed of them anymore. How could he? This stuff had to be illegal somewhere, Edward was sure of it.

Taking a slow breath, he started to relax his body, and once he felt it was safe, he opened his eyes. Imagine his surprise when he found both his hands surrounding Bella's, which was still on his crotch, pressing hard on her wrist and making it quite impossible for her to stop touching said part of his body. Talk about involuntary reaction.

"I'm so sorry." He apologized, quickly releasing the captive hand –and regretting the loss of contact almost immediately-.

Bella just smiled and patted his shoulder.

"Don't sweat it handsome. It's a normal reaction." Giving him another bright smile, completely out of place for their current situation he thought, she went to grab her evil spatula once again. "So, in an honest attempt to distract you from the second swipe, why don't you tell me something about yourself Edward? "

He simply wondered how she could say that with a cheery face while dabbing his crotch with scorching wax.

"There's not much to tell; I uh… belong to the track team in my college… uhm, I visit my parents and sister every weekend… uh… I'm not exactly good with small talk?"

The beauty in front of him just laughed, nodding her head while her hand fanned his aching groin.

"I noticed that. Must be a guy thing. Most women that come here fall into inane chatter as soon as they're atop the table."

She laughed after finishing her little comment, and in that moment Edward was sure he wanted to hear that soft laughter again and again for a long time. His inner musings of a future alongside the beautiful waxer (she had the spatula in her hand again) were so consuming that he didn't feel her start peeling an edge of the wax stripe.

"So, tell me about this bet that landed you on my work table?" She coupled that question with a mischievous wink, and he was entirely certain he would never be able to deny anything to the brown eyed woman.

"It wasn't even a bet, I was supposed to win the dare." He couldn't help but wince remembering the catastrophic run. "I just had to surpass a running mark, but uh… I got distracted and lost. And my friends decided to be unmerciful. The bastards."

"Are you going to get back at them?"

"Well, I haven't really thou-"

Sudden pull quickly followed by pain.

"Yes damn it! They'll SUFFER!"

Bella just giggled and looked at him from under her loose bangs.

"You're really sensitive there, handsome. You sounded too pained for a second swipe."

He didn't even try to answer that. Or speak at all for that matter. He was to busy planning the slow demise of his soon-to-be-dead best friends (he'll definitely start referring to them as 'the enemy' from now on). Hell, he couldn't even enjoy the fact that Bella had her face some very low number of inches from his (hopefully-not-permanently-damaged) genitalia plucking stray hairs with a pair of tweezers.

"Well, turn around now Edward, it's time to finish things up."

He definitely whimpered this time. And the waxer beauty just laughed.

"Don't worry! The crack job doesn't hurt at all."

He whimpered again though not for the same reasons as before. God, he could already see all the jobs this girl could do to him. He was glad he was given a small rest and was able to be face down. Edward wasn't sure Bella would have liked to get acquainted with his reemerging –and growing- cock, at least not so soon into their relationship.

And then Bella pulled down his boxers so his ass was completely bare. And then she was pushing his cheeks wide open. Well, this wasn't awkward at all.

"I need you to hold your cheeks for me Edward, so that I can work. I promise to be quick too." He could practically hear the wink in her voice.

"Sure, no problem." He answered with his most detached tone, stretching his arms back and –insert big sigh here- holding his cheeks wide open. He was going to miss his masculinity very much.

Bella made quick work with the cotton and powder and then applying the thin stripes of wax, this time with a smaller version of her spatula which was just as evil as its bigger sibling. And Edward wondered if this was what women had to endure when on their gynecologist visits. He was feeling more and more understanding of females as the day went on; and were it not for the hard on that having Bella's hands on his ass caused him he would be convinced his body started producing estrogen as soon as he put foot inside this house of the thousand pains, publicly known as 'Malena'. He'd bet if you spelled that wretched name backwards it would be the true name of the devil. For sure. He'd have to make a quick stop at the church after leaving this place.

"Deep breath Edward."

Strip, pull, peel.

Damn, it _did_ hurt. This relationship won't last long if she's already lying.

"One more time and we're done." Again with her singsong voice. Mercy woman, show some mercy.

"I'm going to work something here with the tweezers for a second, k? Don't move."

What the hell was she doing to his ass cheek? Hadn't he suffered enough? But it didn't really hurt… and Bella had one hand splayed over his bottom. Oh well, small favors, he'd enjoy them.

As soon as he felt her peeling the edge of the hardened wax, he took a deep breath; and he could have sworn she said something like 'Good Boy' but it was around the same time he realized this particular wax stripe went down to his balls… and it pulled them. Let's just finish things at _ouch_. He also felt a sudden sting in one of his ass cheeks, but he was too focused on the pain in the underside of his balls to give it much thought at the moment.

"That's it big guy. We're done. Now let me put some antibiotic and moisturizing cream on you and you're ready to go."

Edward closed his eyes and forced himself to enjoy the caressing and pampering for as long as it would last. The cream felt cool and soft on his battered skin, and he was glad his balls were still in mourning or else he might have been unable to stop his cock's reaction at Bella's soft caressing. He'll even pretend he wasn't imagining Bella coping a feel once in a while.

Too soon the small piece of heaven was over, and Bella was giving him directions to go to the front door after getting dressed. And then she was out of the cubicle, the billowing purple curtain the only proof she had just been there.

Edward got dressed, far too slowly in a vain attempt to catch a glimpse of his angel. But she didn't come back. And he hadn't asked her for her phone number. And he wouldn't be caught dead inside this place again.

Once he was done feeling the amazement of a smooth body inside snug clothing, he was out of the cubicle, in a corridor that wasn't half as long and menacing as it was when he first came in.

As he reached the main desk, he realized the woman there, the same bubble of blond energy that received him at the entrance looked quite different now that his nerves weren't clouding his senses. With a fake tan that did nothing but enhance the artificially stretched wrinkles, and enough make up to paint a door, this lady only managed to strengthen his resolve to get out of the place as fast as was humanly possible.

He paid the money that was asked of him (an insane amount after all the suffering he just had had to endure) and tripping only once in his haste to escape, he abandoned the pink house of horrors where he had just spend the worst hours of his life.

A quick look at his cell phone told him that it had only been forty five minutes since he had first gone in. Time _did_ go differently in Hell than in the real world.

Edward just shook his head and turned towards the busiest part of the street. He had to make a quick visit to the local church after all.

xxxxxxxx

As soon as Edward dropped his keys on the small table next to the door, he was assaulted by two overly enthusiastic idiots (the enemy!) who dragged him by an arm and a leg to the living room, and then proceeded to divest him of all his clothing.

"Oh shit! Dude, you really did it!" Emmett's voice boomed and resonated inside the small room while Edward tried, unsuccessfully, to cover his naked body.

"I can't believe you went with it Eddie!" Jasper wasn't being helpful either.

"Yes, yes, I did it. I went to the goddamned place, got waxed and now I'm smoother than a baby's ass. You assholes happy now?" He was grumpy, and he knew it. But he had _all_ reasons to be grumpy, and pissed, and all in all fuckangry with this idiots.

"Come on! Share a little of the experience bro. Were there any beautiful ladies inside the place?"

No sooner had Emmett finished speaking, image after image of Bella invaded his thoughts. She was definitely the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. And he was resolute to see her again. Even if he had to perch himself twenty four hours a day outside the House of Horrors to be able to approach her.

"I know that face. You met someone, didn't you?" Jasper's drawl was like a pin pricking his bubble. Very unwelcomed.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He mumbled as best as he could through his palpable embarrassment and scurried away to his room.

Pulling a comfortable pair of pants on, Edward let himself fall face first onto his bed. He was exhausted. And depressed. Very depressed. He wanted to see Bella again, but he was starting to doubt his plan of stalking the house of horrors. What if it creep her out? What if the connection he felt with her was only an illusion and she was like that with all her customers? God, he was feeling awful.

"What has you in that black hole my friend?" The amused Texan drawl behind him wasn't enough to move him from his slump… but the distinct smell of a cold and freshly opened bottle of beer sure was.

Two beers later and Edward was a drop of amber liquid away from bursting into tears.

"It's impossible Jazz… she'll never look at me with an ounce of interest after seeing what she has seen of me today." Edward looked up, certain he would find the comforting face of his oldest friend… he wasn't expecting a red faced Jasper holding in his laughter.

"The hell you find so amusing about my pain?"

That seemed to be the last straw because the next second, the blond man was rolling on the floor laughing his fat ass off (yes, fat ass; he still had some estrogen in his blood stream). Edward glared at him, which only made the other laugh harder. So Edward kept on glaring. And Jasper kept on laughing.

"What the Hell is wrong with you two?"

Emmett's entrance seemed to help Jasper sober up enough to stand up and punch Edward's shoulder, snicker under his breath again, and turn towards the bedroom door. Emmett was still looking confused. Edward was still glaring.

"Usually I would just tell you to take your head out of your ass, Eddie. But this time I guess I'll advise you to actually _look_ at your perky bum!" Jasper laughed some more and headed to his own room at the end of the hallway.

Frowning deeply at Jasper's advice, Edward went to his dresser, turned around and pulled his pants low enough to look at his bottom on the mirror. There, on his left ass cheek, clear as a stain on a white shirt, was a phone number. But that wasn't what had Edward's attention at the moment. Right next to the number were two half moons opposite each other indented on his flesh. A bite mark. Bella had bitten him.

_Bella_ had bitten him.

Bella had _bitten_ him.

Bella had bitten _him._

On the ass.

God, he was a happy man.

He grabbed his cell phone and with some stretching maneuvers that would have made a contortionist proud, Edward took a clear picture of his happy bum.

And as he started to memorize the numbers on the little screen, he decided he was not hearing the mad laughter coming from Jasper's room, nor was he seeing Emmett stare at him as if an extra head had sprouted out of his ass; and maybe, if he was caught in a good day, he might admit to giving a loud whoop and a momentary happy dance when he finally wrote the number down in his contacts list.

In a short lived moment of sanity, right before hitting the call button, Edward thought of the rarity that was taking a picture of his own ass to get the number of a girl. But he didn't think about that too much. He was quickly realizing he would probably do anything for his Bella. He just really, _really_ hoped she didn't like him all smooth and bare.

Please God, don't let her like him smooth and bare.

Please.

* * *

**A/N: Ok, that was my little piece there.**

**I hope it was enjoyable, and that maybe, could be, please, merit some reviews? *teary eyes***

**Oh, and before it's over, I **_**know**_** I winced when writing about the unpeeling wax stripes... did anyone else have a similar reaction while reading? *wink wink***

**Thanks very much for reading! *waves and bows***

**LuTBC**


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